Even "He Who Must Not Be Named" goes on blind dates.
You can never trust other people to set you up, but this easily takes the cake! Will Whitney fall for this interesting bachelor? Watch and find out!
Transcript[]
KITCHEN:
Natalie: Cute.
Whitney: I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this. I hate blind dates.
Natalie: Relax, Whit. Besides, what did you do last Friday night? Stayed home and watched Full House?
Whitney: Hey, cut it out!
James: Yeah, when was the last time you went out with a guy?
Whitney: Tuesday.
James: Who wasn't your cousin?
Whitney: It's been a while.
James: Trust me, Whitney, Tom and I go way back. He's great.
Natalie: Yeah.
James: I haven't seen him since his parents died…
Natalie: Oh, yeah.
James: ...but I really think you're gonna like him.
Whitney: His parents died?
Natalie: They were murdered.
Matt: Whitney Call, come to dine. It's nice to… to meet you. I uh… I will have her home by nine.
DINER:
Whitney: So Nellie's, huh?
Matt: It's an old favorite.
Whitney: I'm glad I dressed up.
Jeremy: Welcome to Nellie's Diner, my name is Jeremy, I'm gonna be taking care of you this evening. I love your haircut, sir. Alright, can I get you started with anything to drink?
Whitney: Just water for me, thank you.
Matt: And I will have a glass of snake milk.
Jeremy: We only have Pepsi products.
Matt: Root beer is fine.
Jeremy: I'll be right back with those.
Whitney: So uhm.., where are you from, Tom?
Matt: Well, it really depends. I've moved around a lot actually. I once lived on the back of a man's head.
Whitney: Yeah, that uh… that housing market is pretty brutal, huh?
Matt: Indeed.
Whitney: James tells me you're a democrat?
Matt: I've formed my own little club, actually. Would you like to meet some of the members? I can send for them.
Whitney: Ah.
Matt: Oh, it's the wrong arm.
Whitney: No, no, no, that's really okay. Don't… don't lick your arm.
Matt: Very well.
Whitney: Are you carrying a stick, Tom?
Matt: Ah yes, I… I call it my lucky stick. I also carry a wand.
Whitney: Are you a magician? I love magic tricks. Show me a magic trick!
Jeremy: Alright, root beer for you, sir, and water...
Matt: Avada kedavra! Sorry, that's the only one I really know.
Whitney: That was awesome! Do it again!
Matt: Actually, I think we better get going. I already have two strikes against me for trying to kill a little boy.
Whitney: Oh Tom, you're so bad.
Matt: You don't know the half of it.
OUTSIDE:
Matt: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring him with.
Whitney: Well Tom, I had a really nice time tonight.
Matt: You know, I did too. I really feel like I can be myself around you, which is saying a lot. I feel like I have this reputation I have to keep up, and it's really a lot of pressure. Sometimes I think "This isn't me".
Whitney: Just let it out, Tom.
Matt: It's just, one day I'm in law school, and the next I'm out cursing babies and eating unicorns and…
Whitney: Shush. Let's finish this the way we started, Tom. Together.
Matt: Oh, oh, Whitney, I uh… it's a little ready for…
Whitney: Oh, so sorry, I was just really caught up in the moment.
Matt: Well, it's a little bombarding.
Whitney: I just really see this going somewhere.
Matt: Okay, that's a little too eager for the Dark Lord.
Whitney: Come on!
Matt: I'm sorry, Whitney, I just… I can't.
Whitney: But, but Tom?
Matt: Good night.
Whitney: Tommy?
Whitney: Oh, hey Sevvy. How have you been?
Jason: I've moved on, Whitney. It's time you do the same.
Whitney: Padfoot?
Trivia[]
- As was usual at the time, this sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
- This is only the second sketch that wasn't filmed in the studio, after Facebook Philanthropist.
- A part of this sketch was filmed in Nellie's Diner, in Provo, Utah.
- This is the first one of the Harry Potter Sketches.
- After this sketch, Matt Meese would appear as Lord Voldemort in more sketches, and Jason Gray would appear as Severus Snape in more sketches, as well.
- The working title for this sketch was "Blind Date That Lived", as a reference to The Boy Who Lived, an alias for Harry Potter.
- This is the first sketch since Facebook Philanthropist to include non-cast members/extras.
- This is the first sketch where only a part of the Cast appears under a different name. In this sketch, Matt Meese appears as Tom and Jason Gray appears as Sevvy, while the other actors appear with their own names.
- This is the tenth sketch featuring Jason Gray.
- This is the fifteenth sketch to be directed by Julian Riley.
- The only sketches not to be directed by him so far, are Facebook Philanthropist, which was directed by Jared Shores, and Bashful E-mail, which had no director.
- This is the first sketch to feature three locations, after P90X featured two.
- This sketch is also featured in the special Studio C at the Movies: The Reel World.
- There have been 95 episodes between the first and second appearance of this sketch, which makes it the biggest gap between two appearances of the same sketch so far.
| Season 1 Episode 3 | ||
|---|---|---|
| ~ Two Truths and a Lie (transcript) ~ ~ ECON 101 (transcript) ~ ~ Awkward Eulogy (transcript) ~ ~ Lord Voldemort Goes On Blind Date (transcript) ~ ~ Zombie BBQ (transcript) ~ ~ Evil Memory Lapse (transcript) ~ | ||