(James is watching TV on the couch, flipping between a soap opera (starring Jason and Whitney), a press conference (starring Matt), a cooking show (starring Mallory) and an exercise video (starring Jeremy)).
Mallory: Now, what you need to do, is stir that until it's about the consistency of a cloud.
Matt: I am pleased to announce NASA's new space program, which will send a family of rats...
Jason: Yes Veronica, it's true. Your ex-husband is still alive and living in Cairo.
Jeremy: Four and slide, two, three, four and reach, two, three, four and slide, two, three, four.
Mallory: Now take a whisk, and really beat-
Matt: -feral monkeys, which contracted Hepatitis. They, of course, had to be put down, and now we're using the rats. One NASA authority said:
Jeremy: -your glutes! You feeling a good burn in there? Now we're gonna start working your thighs,-
Mallory: -and rub them down with some olive oil. That's nice. Now we're ready to put this into the oven, along with-
Matt: -tax payer's dollars. The president wanted it to be absolutely clear that he has no-
Jeremy: -body hair! Some say yes, some say no! But don't be afraid to-
Mallory: -let it envelop you in its aroma. Now this recipe is simple. It calls for flour, eggs, and-
Whitney: -your immortal soul! And we never heard from you! You never called, you never wrote, you never even-
Matt: -learned how to use a special rat toilet. They can navigate complex mazes, and most surprisingly-
Mallory: -they're gluten-free. And, if you don't have an electric mixer, you can just use-
Jason: -flaming passion! Have you no shame?! It absolutely sickens me to think that-
Jeremy: -this is twenty pounds of human fat in a jar. And if you think that you don't have the willpower to do it, don't despair, because-
Matt: -very few have died in the process. The details of the program are vital to national security, so naturally the White House-
Whitney: - will slap that smug look off your face! (slaps Jason)
Mallory: Ouch, that stings! I-
Jason: -love you. And ever since I heard you sing, your voice was like-
Mallory: (loud blender noises)
Jeremy: Isn't that soothing? It makes me want to-
Jason: -question my will to live. All you can do is-
Jeremy: -give your spandex a little snap. Pretty soon you're gonna have a body as solid as-
Matt: -this nation's economy. In conclusion, we'd like to thank you all for coming to this press conference, and we hope that you-
Whitney: -burn for your sins. Don't you see? All I ever wanted was-
Jeremy: -the flexibility of a Russian gymnast! Just remember, there's nothing more attractive to the ladies than-
Mallory: -a chocolate sculpture of Winston Churchill covered in-
Whitney: -dirty money. But it's over now. I'm never coming back. You can forward my mail to-
Matt: -the cold heart of space. Thank you, and-
Jeremy: -see you in skinny town! Population: you.
(James sighs and turns off the TV)
|Season 1 Episode 6|
| ~ Trip to the ER (transcript) ~|
~ Generation Gap (transcript) ~
~ While You Were Out (transcript) ~
~ Channel Surfing (transcript) ~
~ Metropolitan Boy Scouts (transcript) ~
~ Foreign Exchange (transcript) ~